Charmed Reboot 1x04 Recap

Charmed 1x04 ... I forgot the title of this episode, and I just don't care to look it up.... Recap

OMG THE PREVIOUSLY ON.... Let's move on.

We immediately are forced into a flashback where Marisol and Mel are talking to Angela about what a sick creep the teacher who's going around sexual harassing girls are. Angela is scared about what other people are going to think about her, and Marisol lays it out flat that people will be angry. Ummm whatever? This guy is fucking going around sexually threatening girls, but of course everyone just LOOOOOVES him. WHATEVER! Mel is out of her little flashback, and she's currently in the attic watching over Angela/Harby. Fun. 

THIS IS BULLSHIT!! UTTER UTTER BULLSHIT!! If you read my recap for the last episode, you'd know I started calling the Harbinger of Hell "Harby" only because I started getting lazy and didn't want to type out "Harbinger of Hell" over and over again, AND MAGGIE FUCKING STEALS THE NICKNAME!!! You dumb BITCH! The Harbinger gets my revenge for me, because wittle precious Maggie is afraid of rats, poor little girly. Well, Harby literally snatches the rat, kills the fuck out of the rat and THROWS IT AT THE GIRLS!!! LIKE LMFAO!!! That's hilarious!!! 

So now the girls are being questioned about Angela's disappearance. Because they're soooo not guilty of anything at all. As if on que, the Harbinger makes a TON of noise and Nico and what's-his-face is ready to go investigate when this tall, stuck up, bitch comes out of nowhere claiming she's the girls' interior designer? WHO DA FUQ IS THIS BITCH??? Charity comes out of nowhere and comes up with some cover story about why there's so much noise coming from upstairs. After the cop and Niko leaves, Charity introduces herself as an Elder.

Oh. Yeah. An Elder. 

NEVERMIND I TOTALLY LOVE THIS BITCH!!! FINALLY a character from this shit show I am falling in LOVE with!! Charity explains that there has been many Elder killings... well not too many, recently there was a third since Marisol's death. WAIT, MARISOL is an Elder?? The girls looks at Harry asking to explain why he didn't tell them, but he said he did when he referred to her as a "Senior Witch".  Yeah, that explains it ALL! 

The girls are discussing what's going on with Angela at the campus, blah blah blah. While they're talking about saving everyone, Angela, and following Niko... Let me say right now that it's only a matter of time before Niko finds out the girls are magical witches!!! Just saying. 

Niko is actually talking to her cop partner Trevor... Tyler... Tim... Tony... Whatever. Tony thinks the girls are hiding something(duh) and he has the look of determination to fucking crack the case wide open and see what the fuck those dumb sister bitches are hiding!!!

In class, Maggie is desperate because she is no way going to fucking pass her midterm, and the midterm is on Dante's Inferno. What the fuck is Maggie taking a class where she should have done Dante in fucking Senior year of  High School? That's when I did everything on Dante's Inferno. It was fun, I read the entire thing, wrote a paper on it and scored a B+, and even created a scene inside a shoe box from Dante. It was fun. I enjoyed my English class!

Anyway, Parker is attending the same class too, of course, and after Maggie tells Kate she's been failing the class, Kate comes up with a great idea that Parker can just tutor Maggie. Plus he's been reading Dante since 3rd grade, according to him. Not only is he a literary genius, he's also going to be kissing Maggie by the end of this episode. IM CALLING IT!!! 

I really cannot stand scenes with Ser Darius Blaine. I'm sorry, but he's a rude asshole from the shit I saw on Twitter, and I just can't stand any of these scenes involving him. The only thing we need to know is that his character is a cheesy mother fucking romantic who is most likely a demon. That's all we need to fucking know.

Mel is in the attic and asks the Book of Shadows if there's a way to see if Angela is still in her body, and OMG SHE TOTALLY IS!!! So Charity LIED!!! Why would Charity, an Elder, LIE about this??? Interesting developments here... 

Mel and Charity are still arguing about saving Angela, and Mel goes as far as threatening to go against Charity's word and MOTHER FUCKING CHARITY MUTES THE FUCK OUT OF MEL!!! OMG THIS BITCH IS BADASS!!! I LOVE YOU, CHARITY!!! 

Unfortunately, Mel gets her voice back in the next scene and she legit took the Harbinger and shoved it in her fucking car, THE FUCK??? But before she and Maggie could go anywhere, Mel spots Travis spying on them!!!  UH OH!!! Other things I've noticed from this scene was that the girls can take the Book out of the house. Honestly, I'm surprised they haven't done the whole "DEMONS AND WARLOCKS TRYING TO STEAL OUR BOOK" story line... yet... because it's coming!!! 

Back at the Vera Jailhouse of Harbinger, Macy is taking Charity and Harry Pothead to the attic so they can take care of the Harbinger. She's saying these scientific lines, which I'm not feeling at all... I haven't felt anything from her scientist career since this damn show premiered. Honestly, I'm predicting it now, she's going to quit just like Prue quit Buckland. -Insert eye roll here- But then when she opens the attic door... OMG WHAT A SHOCKER, HARBY IS GONZO!!!!

Maggie decided to take Mel and the Harby to the garage where the Kappa float is and they chained poor wittle Harby to the float. Unfortunately there's like a million exorcism spell's in the Book, and when Mel decides to cheat the Book by asking questions, OOOOPS!!! There is no exorcism spell for the Harby!! Ya'll gotta kill Angela! OOOOH!!! Mel and Harry Potter are trying to fix their little friendship bullshit but...it's... ugh. Whatever. Mel is hellbent on saving Angela's soul because she KNOWS she's still in there and CHARITY IS LYING LITTLE BITCH!!!! And I still LOVE HER!!!

Because Angela is STILL IN THE BODY, Mel and Maggie texts Macy to get the fuck to the garage so they can perform the exorcism spell. SCREW Charity and her bullshit Elder wisdom! Before she could escape though, Charity tells Macy that she has the skills to be a leader just like her mother was. Unfortunately, Marisol for some reason never told anyone about Macy, which I think I might know why... Marisol didn't want her children becoming the Charmed Ones. It's that simple. Thankfully, Charity pulled on Macy's heart strings so she can successfully get the fuck out to go help her sisters!!

Back at the garage, the sisters and Harry are confused about the blank page. They simply don't have an exorcism spell strong enough to save poor little Angie-poo! Macy of course comes along and saves the day because with their united power with the three, the blank page becomes VISIBLE OMG SO COOL!!! Of course Marisol totes knew this was coming and she decided to write the spell out in Spanish. Right. So the sisters and Harry makes a plan to free Angela, but of course it won't be easy!! 

Maggie goes outside to investigate the noise she heard and OMG PARKER IS THERE!! Is he about to find out they're witches?? Parker gives Mel this whole totally inspirational story about how he could never play guitar but his brother was amazing at it blah blah blah, and Maggie shares that she isn't all that great with the whole college university bullshit, and then Harby just happens to make a noise but before Parker can catch it, Maggie decides to be a DUMBASS and fucking kisses him. Okay so I was CLOSE, people... I said Parker was gonna be the one initiating the kiss, but alas, I was wrong. 

Back at the garage, Harby is gaining strength, and when she does, THE CHAINS ARE OFF BITCHES!! Charity comes along, which is weird because her teleportation is not only different from Harry's, it reminds me of Once Upon a Time when everyone would go through portals from Seasons 6 and 7... Lol. Charity tries to get the girls to kill Angela/Harby but the girls are sticking to their exorcism plan because thank God Marisol knew this was all going to happen... Lol. And omg she was able to receive PREMONITIONS LE GASSSSP!!!! 

L.M.F.A.O!!!!!!!

The girls are starting their little exorcism spell and TRAVIS IS ON THEIR FUCKING ASSES!!! They're totally about to get EXPOSED and it's only the fourth fucking episode, like seriously?!?! When he comes into the garage, he saw everything! Charity was able to get his gun away but somehow Trip died... Um. How? Was it the force of the spell that made the rusted pipe smack him upside the head? 

Back at the manor, Charity visits Mel to talk about Travis' death. As an Elder Witch, she's able to deal with it using magic so there's no exposure about anything. Angela has been in and out of consciousness, but Macy and Maggie are watching over her. When she wakes up, she tells the girls that all she knows is that she could feel some shitty stuff but doesn't remember anything about Halloween. Kudos for the girls for keeping their secret. Also, the girls congratulates Harry for defying the Elder's but of course he won't reveal his past with Charity... hmmm. Typical and predictable.

So anyways, ummm.... Apparently Niko is crushed over Trevor's death. But it's like... whatever. Also there's evidence that Trevor was behind the Halloween murders? Umm.. WHAT?! LOL! What the fuck...

At the Elder HQ, Charity is taking the elevator when this really sexy mother fucking demon enters and uses his powers to talk Charity into exchanging paint cans with her. So now he's under the possession of the Harby. UMMM LOL?? After all that trouble to save Angela, Harby is STILL roaming free?

SOURCE OF ALL EVIL, COME ON DOWN!!!

I give this episode a huge plus for Charity and her bitchy comedic relief. Yay!!

Final grade: C-

Charmed Reboot - 1x03 - Sweet Tooth Recap

OMG IT'S HALLOWEEN!! 

So how does the Charmed Barfboot ruin my all time favorite holiday? Well stick around and find out, my lovely readers!!

PREVIOUSLY ON WHO THE FUCK CARES...

I just... I cannot with this show. This is fucking hilarious!! The three Fake Ones are doing Harry Potter's defense training class so they're fighting this weird ass demon thing...  That looks like you would find off of Buffy or Angel... 

This looks like a demon off of Buffy/Angel...

So anyway, the sisters are working to defeat the demon but then Maggie gets a text from Kate saying that their Kappa meeting was moved up and it was now in ten minutes... Whatever, at least she was stupid enough to get stabbed TWICE in her shoulders by the Buffy-Esque demon. Mel though, being the fucking kiss ass little show off decides to cast a super powerful spell that not only killed the demon but basically killed Maggie and Macy as well... Nice going you dumb bitch! But it's okay folks, because this demon fight was actually the work of Harry Houdini's magic. BUMMER!!! He gives this speech which he apparently has given multiple times because the girls are mocking him... blah blah blah. I don't fucking care... And what gives this little twisted bitch the right to declare she's the best witch of all? Give me a fucking break, sister. 

Okay so as we turn our attention to the college, I'm assuming where Maggie goes to school, the demon of the week is stalking around the students. They target some guy who's recording a podcast talking about how female femininity and empowerment is destroying the male masculinity thing... I only ask one thing guys... Why is something like this being brought up on Charmed? Please don't hate me, but why the fuck are these writers pushing this shit? If you think about other shows like The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle, even Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill, this shit wasn't FORCED on us like the writers of this shitty ass reboot is! The Secret Circle had a nice well balance about the whole male/female/yin/yang thing. They had both males and females in their Coven(BOTH the parents and the children) AND PERSON OF COLOR!!!!! And they didn't fucking force it up as a topic of discussion either, as far as I remember. It was just  "Hey I'm Diana! This is Nick, that's Faye, over there is Melissa, and right here is my boyfriend Adam." At least watching TSC, I didn't have to worry about anything being SEXIST or MASCULINE or FEMININE! 

Anyway... back to the shit-show... demon of the week kills the dude. Typical. For fuck sake. 

Back at Vera Mansion, I guess because Niko doesn't have her glasses on, she has no idea what Mel is up to. Unless she does and my theory from before is correct that Harry Potter isn't really a whitelighter and Niko really is. Basically Mel is casting spells and asking the Book of Shadows how she can find the Harbinger of Hell and literally had Niko went into the attic a few seconds earlier, she would have spotted Mel's little act of witchcraft! 

Oh my God, seriously if it doesn't turn out that Niko already knows about the sisters and their powers, I give all the Reboot lovers permission to kick me in the shins because this is just so fucking CRINGE! Niko now almost caught  Macy using her powers to give herself a fucking egg but THANK GOD Mel was there to force Niko into a kiss and rush her ass out the door! Dear fucking Goddddddd!! So Mel gets Niko out, and then Mel goes for a cup of coffee. She takes her black. Macy goes all Scientist on her about how black coffee is better with sugar in it... THEN MACY SAYS SHE CAN BAKE GOODIES YOU GUYS!!! CAKES, CHOCOLATE SOUFFLE, THIS IS A TOTAL PIPER HALLIWELL RIP OFF!!!! RIPPPPPP OFFFFF!!!! OMG THIS SHOW CANNOT.... BE.... ORIGINAL!!!! THIS SHOW IS A SHIT FEST!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

After some sickening sisterly moments, Maggie goes to work at some cafe and while she is explaining to some dude they're out of whatever the fuck he wants, some good looking guy comes up and tries to kiss ass to Maggie to charm her. Yeah, great. He'll probably be revealed as Kate's brother or boyfriend or something. Speaking of Kate... Maggie finds that Kate herself along with two other girls are having brunch together. Also isn't that one girl the bitch who got possessed by the Harbinger last episode? Maggie is flipping out but she can't avoid Kate and tries to come up with an excuse on why she's been M.I.A. lately... Honey, can't you see Kate is just making a FOOL out of you? Why can't you just listen to Mel just once and realize Kappa life ISN'T for you? Fucking hell. 

Mel is hosting a class and handing out cookies in hopes to reveal the Harbinger vessel, and when she finds out some girl I forgot her name woke up from her coma the night they vanquished the demon goo thingy, she freezes the room(more like the entire school) and gets an earful from Harry Houdini. But he's not angry for long cause OMG THEY FOUND THE HARBINGER VESSEL!!! GASP!!! But of course Harry gets the last laugh since he forcefully gives Mel this bracelet which helps him know whenever she uses Magic... yeah sorry, Harry isn't a whitelighter. Not at all. 

At the lab, Macy is doing some research while Galvin is so fucking upset she isn't joining in the festivities. Please. They're talking science and I'm not paying attention not because I don't like this episode or show...which I don't, but I'm not paying attention because I don't really like science either... LOL. But Galvin makes an attempt of romance to turn Macy into cytosine... how fucking cheesy. Apparently Macy calls up Mel because...

Mel is now on the phone with Macy talking about Galvin. Mel is all for Macy and Galvin going out but Macy is like "But like what if I have to break up with him because I'm a witch???" All the while, the Harbinger or the demon of the week, I really haven't figured out what's going on yet... is stalking Macy. And we do indeed find out a second later it IS the Harbinger, but Macy makes her lucky escape only to have Mel come up to her... Oh this is going to be great! 

The next scene isn't all too recap worthy, but Maggie is setting up her for her party and she basically asks the Book if she could use personal gain, which the book pretty much says yes... Is there no personal gain in this show?? Or are we gonna find out that the Book is a twisted little trope and will end up screwing Maggie over? Whatever because...

We're back to Mel and the Harbinger. Harby is giving a spiel about how she feels so fucking victimized since people are giving her weird ass looks while Mel is like "Uh huh... keep going... almost there..." She offers the cookies, but Harby is way too smart and comes up with an excuse about how her appetite isn't all that back yet. Mel, sweetie, toots, you're dealing with a HARBINGER OF HELL! You're not dealing with some ditzy ass sorority girl, you're dealing with a HARBINGER. OF. HELL!!! Fucking dumbass!! 

When Mel leaves, Harby literally shoves her hand down her throat and takes the cookie out of her body!! Now I have to admit, that's really fucking cool! I do have to wonder though, what would have happened if Harby kept the cookie in? Hmm. When Mel is walking through the halls, she approached  Niko who seems to be on an investigation and Mel thinks this is the best time to put the freeze on Niko and tell her her feelings. Of course Harry Potter knows Mel froze time and decided to pop in and check on her. Bitch, please! If this guy stalked me and watched my every move, I would fucking quit!!

NEWSFLASH MEL: HE IS NOT YOUR WHITELIGHTER!!!

Back at the Mansion, Macy and Mel meet up and talk about the Harbinger and how it's totally not Angela Wu. When Galvin texts Macy about Maggie's party, Harry and Mel know exactly who's behind it all(fucking obviously?). When the three goes inside, Maggie literally outdid herself in the personal gain department! She tries to convince her sisters and fake-lighter that she's doing this for them, but kinda admits that she's doing it for Kappa too. Duh. 

So flashforward to the party, Harry is an English butler serving everyone the potion cookies, Macy is a judge but Maggie decides to give her a new costume, Mel by far has the best fucking costume ever, not gonna lie...I kinda wanna steal her idea TBH. It's an awesome witches costume. So back to Mel and Macy, Mel is trying hard to have Macy open up and be her sister while choosing a new costume for Macy which leads us to a sister moment... 

Macy was sent to boarding school in Connecticut, she was in a class of 100 and only two were black and the rest were white so they were in a minority... Macy was always the smart and quiet one while her friend was the outgoing popular one. This leads Maggie into using her personal gain powder to turn Macy into a Greek Goddess. Oh My Goddess Part 1 and 2... Kill. Me. Now. 

So Macy basically stuns the fuck out of Galvin, but she's not allowed to enjoy herself because Mel found out through Niko that two students and a Nun are dead. Why? Because the fucking Harbinger is killing virgins, whose blood is the strongest for demons... EXCUSE FUCKING ME??? VIRGIN BLOOD? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! WHAT THE FUCK KINDA MUMBO JUMBO IS THAT??? Jesus fucking Christ... Oh but don't worry, readers, because Harbinger shows up with her crusty ass skin and blood and fucking Mel thinks she's a genius at costumes...Good fucking God. 

As Maggie is getting the dried whatever she needs because I wasn't really listening to Harry, the effects of her personal gain is showing!! DUN DUN DUNNNN! But before she can fall on her stupid fucking ass, the cutie from earlier is there just in time to catch her!! Awww how fucking adorable... ten bucks says he's a demon. Or a half breed. 

Outside, Harry and Mel are preparing for the spell. Harry offers assistance, but Mel is not having it and tells Harry off, "I do NOT need a strong man to do what I need to do!" This actually leads into a nice little conversation, which I admit I appreciate. Mel never had to hide who she was from anyone because Marisol had always known she was gay. I can actually understand this because I know someone who went through this same thing. They, like Mel, never had to hide in the closet. But for Mel's situation, she's back in the closet but a witches closet, if you guys know what I mean. 

Now with Macy, she's getting the candle needed for the spell and wonders how Mel and Maggie never knew they were witches. What with the candles and the herbs and all that jazz. Harby is stalking Macy... I TOTALLY GET IT NOW!!! MACY IS A VIRGIN!!! Which there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, my very amazing readers. If you wish to wait to have sex, that is totally awesome and completely 100% up to you. 

But before Harby can do anything, Galvin virginblocks Harby to talk to Macy. He's basically ready to bail, but Macy makes him promise not to go anywhere just yet. Outside, the sisters casts the protection spell but it doesn't work because UH OHHHH, Harby is inside!! They need virgin blood to attract the Harbinger but where are they gonna get the virgin blood from? Why,  Macy of course!!! Once we get back from commercial break, the sisters are talking about how it's okay to be a virgin and to wait for the right time to have sex with someone you love... something I can completely agree with! 

As the sisters are getting ready to cast their spell, they find out OMG ANGELA IS THE HARBINGER WANTING TO BRING THE SOURCE BACK TO LIFE!!! Fucking... Ugh. Anyway, thanks to Maggie's use of personal gain to get the Kappa bitches happy, she fucks up the spell and Macy is basically Harbinger Berry Pie right now. Come and get it, Harby!! Fresh virgin blood pie ready for you!!! 

Macy is running for her LIFE from Harby and when she's right about the get snatched up for dinner and desert, Maggie comes outta NOWHERE and slams the Harbinger with a fucking tree branch! Macy and Maggie are excitedly talking about how Macy was able to have control over her powers when the Harbinger wakes up and is about to attack when Mel screams at her sisters to get the fuck down and fucking Mel wants to be the fucking hero of the episode and casts the spell Harry specifically told her NOT TO CAST... AND KILLS MACY IN THE PROCESS LE GASP!!!

Macy is fine you guys, and Mel is feeling MAJOR GUILT VIBES right now. How dare she kill her sister!!! Harry successfully heals Macy, and while Macy and Maggie goes on to their ways, Harry confesses to Mel that she reminds him of another charge, Fiona, who was a lot like Mel. Unfortunately for Fiona, she began to doubt herself, was institutionalized and diagnosed as a schizophrenic. Poor Fiona. Mel promises not to be reckless anymore and Harry takes the magic bracelet off of her.

Maggie is on a mission to do personal gain damage control while Macy decides to hell with it and fucking kiss Galvin!!! OMG GIRL YOU KISSING A DEMON!!!! Seriously, he's a demon. We all know this. 

OOOOOOOH!!!! I TOTALLY SAW THIS COMING!!!! I EVEN SAID SO EARLIER IN THIS RECAP!!!! PARKER, THE CUTE GUY WHO WAS FLIRTING WITH MAGGIE IS KATE'S BOYFRIEND!!! I KNEW IT!!!! YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW, MAGGIE VERA!!! MUAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE FUCKING KATE PUNCH THE FUCK OUT OF MAGGIE!!!! MY MONEY IS ON KATE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! IN YOUR FACE, MAGGIE!!! Okay, I'm done... for now... Muahaha...

Mel is putting away her costume when Niko texts her asking if she could come over, but she can't because Mel is now holding the Harbinger of Hell hostage in the attic. Harby begins to act out and the girls meets Harry Potter in the attic... Basically the girls are now a proud owner of a pet Harbinger who can still bring about the apocalypse and raise the Source of all Evil... Yay...

Also Charity the Elder next week. Fucking can't wait. 

Final episode score: D because it was pretty much... satisfactory? 

Charmed - 1x02 - Recap

1x02 - Let This Mother Out

OMG PREVIOUSLY ON WHO THE FUCK CARES...

As the episode opens, I greatly appreciate the continuity! There's this female janitor cleaning up after the Fake Charmed Ones vanquished... what's his demon's faces name... So as she's cleaning up, she's talking to someone over the phone when a small little blob begins to make some noise. After she goes to investigate, she gets ATTACKED BY THE BLOB AND GETS POSSESSED! Oh my fucking GOD, can this NOT BE ANYMORE LIKE SUPERNATURAL?!?! But no fret,  viewers, because the blob didn't actually possess the lady. I don't know what the fuck is going on... Maybe it's some type of copy cat DNA  type of demon or something... After the lady gets thrown around by such a tiny little gunk of demon goo, it shoots itself over to the air vent and I guess gloats? I don't fucking know, we're not allowed to see more anyway because...

At the manor, it's picking up right when the first episode left off. With Harry spying on the girls after their mother was like "DON'T TRUST HARRY!!!" Okay, lemme get one thing clear: I don't think Harry is a whitelighter. No whitelighter would tell their charges to stay away from a Spirit Board since Spirit Boards are a very powerful tool for witches. So now that the girls were warned about Harry Potter, they need to come up with code names to avoid him... yeah whatever.

Macy is now moved into the Vera Manor(why, I don't really fucking know...) and she's taking their dead mothers room. Yeah okay, whatever. The thing that makes me question this whole show is... why is Macy having a professional time with her powers? Is it because she's a scientist? Which to me makes no fucking sense because this whole show isn't making any sense. These girls needs to be making messes, not showing signs of control!!

As if this episode couldn't get any better(more like worse), this show is showing signs of twisted originality. Their Book of Shadows can flip on its own(mmhm) and instead of a truth spell, there's now a truth serum(Uh huh)... Actually, didn't Paige use a truth serum on the guy who ran Leo over in Vaya Con Leo's...? Anyways, back to the reboot, the girls come to a conclusion that while they try to find out if Harry Potter is who he says he is(he's not) they will stay away from the Spirit Board much to the disapproval of Mel. 

The next day, the girls are in the dining room mixing up the truth serum but of course they're missing one ingredient that Macy can just get from the science lab(foreshadowing anyone?) and they also need to come up with a code name if they wanna talk shit behind Harry Potter's back. Also they make references to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry... Lol... really? Maggie comes up with this awesome idea about how she can use gloves to avoid using her powers to read other peoples minds, but girl seriously should know better... This aint no Whistlin' Dixie, Maggie. Then she ditches her sisters for some Kappa bullshit... whatever. I don't care. Long as we get to see Kate, since I know the actress from Pretty Little Liars. Lol.

When Maggie gets to the hospital, they're basically mourning the girl who's in a coma and Maggie shows up late... That should tell herself she does no belong with no Kappa Sisters, am I right? Kate is being a royal bitch and demands Maggie to hold onto the girl in the coma's hand... And when she does? The bitch is literally screaming in her head, the fuck??? 

At the science lab, Macy is looking up the final ingredient for the truth serum while Ser Darius Blaine sneaks up on her and is like "The fuck you doing with that lethal shit?" Wait, lethal?? Why the fuck are they going to put a lethal ingredient in a TRUTH SERUM??? I mean, I get that Harry Pothead is probably already dead, but what if one of the sisters accidentally swallows it? Or Niko? Or an innocent? The fuck am I watching?! 

Don't get me started on Maggie and Ben's little love affair... NEEEEEXT!!!!!

Mel is using the Spirit Board while talking to her now again girlfriend, Niko. They're planning a sub date in seems, and then after they're off the phone, Mel begins to use the board which spells out "Melly". So obviously, her mother is reaching out. So after Maggie joins Mel, they begin to contact their Mom.

But then there's this scene about how Macy goes to the hospital room where the Janitor is, and she witnesses Harry Houdini doing some magical mojo on the woman?? Excuse me, what the fuck is going on? 

Back at the manor, after Macy sees the other two using the spirit board, something weird happens. The board shoots out and grabs Maggie's wrist but then Macy uses her powers to move the board away, causing it to break? Mel of course has a panic attack because when isn't she? Down in the dining room, the girls are discussing what Macy just did and Macy is like "OBVI IT'S THE POWER OF TWO AND IM JUST HERE FOR KICKS AND GIGGLES!!" Bitch please, take a step back. 

Then Niko comes along and what the fuck is the coincidence that she and Macy has the EXACT SAME FUCKING THERMOS?! Give me a fucking BREAK!!!! Well we know what happens... Macy makes a fucking fool of herself with Harry while fucking Niko is under the influence of the truth serum. It's interesting, I guess, because Niko has all these bottled up feelings and releases it when Mel goes to save her. She even slept with her fiancee after she and Mel broke up. Ouch. 

I'm so fucking confused because here's Harry Potter who claims to be a whitelighter but he's acting like a creepy mother fucking douche, but then he told the girls that the Spirit Board is able to trick them into making them think what it wants, but then Maggie and Mel casts a spell to release Marisol from the board and there she is in full fledged flesh... something isn't adding up. How annoying would it be if Harry really was a whitelighter? Whatever, because the girls really did release Marisol, or a demon who's able to make themselves look like her. 

Okay, I know what's going on. It doesn't take much to figure out, especially since I've watched Original Charmed and other CW shows. So this bitch, who isn't their mother at all, is hellbent on accusing Harry of killing the mother. Give me a break... it'll be revealed whatever is in the board is the demon of the episode, just we wait... Sighs...

Okay so they're looking for a Prism of whatever they called it, and Harry is supposedly keeping it in a mirror that used to be Marisol's. The girls go to the office to investigate and they find a mirror that's actually a portal leading them to a fucking mirror fun house? And they get trapped into the world place... How cheesy lmfao. But don't panic, my readers, because with the divine powers of the Power of Three the girls are able to get out of the mirror dimension before they became trapped... Bummer. 

Back at the Vera Manor, Marisol and Harry are fighting to the death... which is pretty ironic since they're both dead. Harry is determined to put it in their heads that this bitch isn't their mother and she's a demon of... I forgot what Harry said, but think of it as a Demon of Illusion like in Classic Charmed Season 2... I guess. The demon tries to trick Mel into making her believe it's her Mom, but Mel tricks the demon instead since Marisol never played favorites and then Mel stabs the demon in the chest!! Which I kinda admit is cool... Don't hate me, please.

Anyway, you know what this demon is really like? Remember in Season 1 of Classic Charmed with Kali? Kali was this demon who made herself comfortable in the mirror before she possessed Aviva and the Charmed Ones ended up shattering her reflection? Yeah, that's what Mel had to do while Maggie was keeping her frozen. So demon be vanquished. Yay!!! -Insert Eye Roll Here-

So the demons gone, Harry is being trusted now, and everything is peachy keen. How fucking boring. Maggie also broke up with her friends with benefits while Macy apologized to Galvin, all of whom I think is a demon.

This show is just so fucking predictable. 

Yawwwwwn!!!

Also there's this thing called a Harbinger of Hell who's coming up to Earth to go after the girls and help begin the Apocalypse. 

So yeah... more elements from Supernatural.

Final Episode Score: D-

Charmed Reboot - 1x01 - Pilot Recap

Charmed Reboot 1x01 - Pilot

Oh. My. God. It's here. Like, it's actually here you guys. The Charmed Reboot. I can't believe they had to audacity to even air this crap. I'll post my thoughts as the episode goes, but yeah... Um... Wow.

Original Charmed: 100
Fake Charmed: 0

Okay so we start the series off with Sister 1 sneaking around the place. They were trying to make people think they must have been hunting a demon, but that would be rushing it, right?(Just wait for it, folks...) Okay so, as Sister 1 was sneaking around, Sister 2 moves in front of her and demands Sister 1 to take her boots off... Alright, I guess I can hand out points for the sister moment.

Fake Charmed: 5

After their cute little sister exchange, they overhear their mother, Marisol, talking to someone on the school board. There's this moment where she tells her girls she had one glass of wine, but Sister 1 looked at Sister 2 and mouthed that Marisol had two glasses... which let's be real, she had the whole bottle. I mean... am I right?

Okay, so after Marisol gave her quote of the episode, Sister's 1 and 2 goes off to do their own thing, but god fucking forbid Sister 2 has a fucking curfew because she's a freshman. In college. Like... really? She has a fucking curfew? Lol...

Fake Charmed: 0

Then as she's walking and thinking about going through the woods, she stops and rolls her eyes as if she knows what's behind her. And it's a guy. So she knows this dude is like what... interested? Stalking her? Girl, gimme the deets of this situation!!

I guess Brian is concerned about her well being, but she just doesn't give a fuck.

Okay so back at the house, Marisol is starting to freak out. She's looking around and I fucking kid you not, this is EXACTLY how the Secret Circle started out!!! She was worried, Cassie's mom was worried, Cassie's Mom dies and then SPOILER ALERT, Marisol dies?

Fake Charmed: -10
Original Charmed: 100

Marisol is now casting her spell, which apparently spells in Latin is a thing? I'm sorry, but wasn't Latin spell casting a thing in Supernatural? And then the fucking crows out of Ravenswood comes into the attic and caws the fuck out of Marisol.

There's also a scene at the party where Sister 1 is attending for a sorority. Cause she's a sorority girl.  Yay. After she mingles with the singles, Sister 2 just shows up out of nowhere and demands her sister come home because I guess their Mom sent out a text. Awesome. Also, vomit on Sister 2's boots, cause... yeah. When the sisters come home, they meet up with the crows while the temperatures down to like -40 and then when they reach the attic... OMFG MARISOL IS DEAD! Like Patty died! But Patty dies before the pilot.

Also, cool transition with the logo.

Fake Charmed: -15 for the Mother dying cliche
Fake Charmed: -10 for the cool ass logo transition

So a new girl is introduced and apparently she's a scientist, but instead of working like a good little scientist, she's looking up the Marisol  Vera murder investigation. Cause we all know what's gonna come up in a couple scenes... Sighs...

At school, Sister 2 is hanging up signs because she's a feminine activist. Yeah, you go girl. Woot! Then some weird ass guy comes up to her, and she wants absolutely nothing to do with him. As the sister and the dude are talking, she points how she hates him because he replaced her mom as head of the department and for some reason it's important that she point out that he's a CIS male. This isn't going to a theme throughout the whole show, is it? I mean, I'm a huge supporter if LGBT and Gender Equality, but don't push it in a show like Charmed. Ugh. Then she gets into a fight with some dude after hanging a million posters on the board because Warren Thaine needs to be fucking brought down.

Anyway, I finally fucking know the name of one of the girls. Mel is now in a meeting with Niko(who's her GF) and some other random ass cop. They're gonna talk the dude she punched out into not pressing any charges so good for her. After coming home, Maggie is now upset with her sister because she had the balls to punch someone. Who happens to be male. Yay feminism power.

So after Mel comes home, she and her sister gets into an argument which... awesome, and then Maggie informs Mel that she's rushing sorority so she can move in there and become a sister, much to Mel's annoyance and betrayal. When the doorbell rings, the scientist is there and announces that she's their older sister... OMG I DID NOOOOT SEE THIS COMING!!!!! Also the lights flicker and shuts off. Awesome.

Fake Charmed: -20 for blatant Season 4 Original Charmed plagiarism.

Okay so, the sisters are somewhere talking about Macy's picture of their mother and Mel approaches the two commenting about a circuit box, which yay nod to the original Charmed pilot, Something Wicca This Way Comes. How many fucking rip off's does this pilot have? How many ideas and shit did they steal from the Original show? God dammit.

After Macy leaves, she meets up with her man or whoever at a bar and they talk about the sisters. When Ser'Darius Blaine annoys the shit out of Macy, she uses her OMG POWERS to fling the beer bottle to the wall... Okay so are we to assume the massive freak storm was what activated their powers? I guess that's...nice.

We're at Maggie now who's Insta-stalking her newbie sister while Kate from Pretty Little Liars is giving the new Kappa's a tour of the house. Honestly, Im not listening to what Kate has to say about the Kappa house because... okay so anyway, Kate takes Maggie over to some other girls to introduce them because apparently Maggie is a shoe in for the sorority? Um okay. Suddenly as she shakes hands with the others... she's a fucking telepathic? So she can read minds. I'm sorry, how is this useful over premonitions?? The sisters give her ugly thoughts and Maggie is just as confused as they are... "Is this a prank? Um yeah, Im gonna answer your thoughts now even though you didn't say anything!! TEEHEE..." Give. Me. A. Break.

At the coffee house, we're with Mel who's with her girlfriend cop Niko. But now I guess they're not together anymore? Because she's changed after her mom died?  Whatever, I don't really fucking know. Anyways, after an intense argument with her ex girlfriend, Mel goes through emotional stages where she starts freezing things. I'm sorry, but how is she freezing things? Is it with her mind now like telekinesis is? Also, why is her freezing power strong? And why the fuck are the freezing's in increments? Am I the only one confused with this??? After Mel ditches her ex girlfriend, she's seemingly abducted. Awesome.

As the girls wakes up, they're tied up to some chairs and Mel's annoying perverted professor has kidnapped the three sisters. And he's magical. And can sense things coming at him. Umm... okay. Lol. This dude is trying to explain to the girls their destiny and the girls are like "OMG OMG I CANT BE A WITCH!!!" and Harry is like "You're a witch!!!" Also Mel tries to freeze Harry like Piper used to do in Original Charmed... And then Harry tells them he's their whitelighter.

Fake Charmed: -30 for more blatant Charmed plagiarism.

So after explaining more and giving the most annoying fucking speech ever, Harry informs the girls that the apocalypse is coming and the Source of all Evil(insert eye roll here) is now gonna try to kill the girls because they can't be stopping Him or Her or It... what the fuck ever they're gonna make this Source into. While Mel is traipsing through the woods to go back to Kappa House and Macy is researching telekinesis and how it's possible, Maggie is visited by her ex girlfriend Niko and she begins to freeze her ex girlfriend like fifty seven times or something. And seriously, it's fifty times. And she's so fucking excited to be a witch now. Like what the fuck ever, dude. And the two ex girlfriends comes not so ex girlfriends. Yay you go girls!

Now that they're witches, I guess every demon in existence now is coming after the girls because there's a fucking demon dog going after Maggie now. ORIGINAL CHARMED RIP OFF!!! THERE WAS ALREADY A DEMON DOG IN ORIGINAL CHARMED! THIRD EPISODE, SEASON ONE!!!

Fake Charmed: -40 for more CONTENT THEFT!!!

Anyways, as the sisters have a witchy pow-wow, Harry the whitelighter apparates in to yell at the girls for not calling him and he demonstrates his healing power to heal a wound Maggie received from the demon dog. Macy is around trying to figure out which cell is surrounding the supernatural cell blah blah blaaaah and Harry is trying to tell the girls what to do, but the girls still hate him. Blah blah blaaaah... After having an argument about their mothers death, Maggie rushes out of the house only to be kidnapped by the stupid Kappa's and Kate.

At the party, Mel and Macy rushes in and looks for Maggie, but Mel has this kinda funny confrontation with Kate about how she's always hated Kate and thinks she's a fucking bitch. BUT Kate only wanted to offer Mel drugs and alcohol. So if Kate isn't the demon of the episode, who is? This is when Maggie is met with her boyfriend... I forgot his name. LOL!! When boyfriend goes in and asks Maggie for a kiss, she reads his mind and finds out he's a demon!! OMG!!! And for some reason she can do pilates? I'm sorry, but how did she just know how to kick a demon back fifty feet?? And she was SURPRISED to know she could kick someone like that... What the fucking what?? THIS SHOW DOESNT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE!!!!

Fake Charmed: -50 for NOT MAKING SENSE!!!

When Macy rushes in and sees Brian the demon, she freaks out and throws the powder in his face and the poor kid is having seizures for something, and then the fucking demon is exorcised Supernatural style... Does this fucking show not have any rip off's from other shows?? As the sisters are walking away from their demon fight, Macy and Maggie are discussing the demon, the vanquish and Brian while I guess Mel is pouting and being a bitch all because she couldn't fight the demon with them... fucking seriously? And that's not all. Apparently she knows how she can freeze things, by being HAPPY!!!

SAY FUCKING WHAT?!?! They just fucking REVERSED the trigger on how Piper accesses her powers and how Mel triggers hers! DOES THIS SHOW NOT HAVE ORIGINALITY?!?!

So now because Macy is a scientist, she begins to put the pieces of the demon together. OMG THE DEMON IS THE COLLEGE PROFESSOR?! HE'S COLD AS ICE??? Mel is going around campus trying to find the demon and SHOCKER IT'S THE PROFESSOR!!! Like we didn't fucking know that.

So the demon finally reveals himself and OMFG IT'S A FUCKING CREATURE FROM GAME OF THRONES!!! He tries to kill Mel and Macy but they use their powers to defend each other. Then the annoying kid Cameron gets killed but healed by Harry. Then the demon goes full force trying to kill he girls.

As they chant in Latin, the creature from Game of Thrones gets vanquished but not before giving them a message: HE DIDN'T KILL THEIR MOTHER! Fucking obviously. And what's worse, those stupid Fake Charmed Ones told Harry not to erase Cameron's memories. God damn.

After Macy moves into the Vera Manor because Season 4 Original Charmed plagiarism, Mel finds the spirit board and the girls asks their mother to contact them from beyond the grave...

DON'T TRUST HARRY!!! DUN DUN DUNNN

Honestly, I could tell throughout the episode that Harry wasn't really a whitelighter. I bet Niko is a whitelighter. That would make sense.

Also the promo for the season ahead is just so fucking ridiculous.

Final Score: -60 for constant plagiarism, stupid shit, making no sense at all... Poor episode.

NEW! Charmed "Girl Power" Promo!!

OMG WE HAVE A NEW PROMO....

And I fucking hate it. LMFAO!!! Without further ado, let's get into this absolute mess of a fucking promo!!

Rip Offfffff!

Marisol's death. This isn't anything new and the two youngest sisters finds her dead ass body on the ground outside the house. 

We get back to the scene with Harry and they show us the new whiteligher transportation power.... WHICH IS A HARRY POTTER FUCKING APPARITION KNOCK OFF?!?! I just... Guys, what the fuck kind of show is this? Why are we watching a show that's completely ripping off other peoples content? 

We see new angles of Freezing Witch and Telekinesis Witch using their powers and then we're back with  Marisol messing with the crows from Ravenswood... more shit we have already seen, they're just trying to trick us into thinking this is all so totally new. ALSO, look at this demon dog!!!

Marshall, is that YOU?! :O

Wasn't there already a demon dog on Original Charmed?? You remember the episode Thank You For Not Morphing? The episode where the Shape shifter turned into a Rottweiler and broke into Halliwell Manor? Also what the fuck is it with the black swirls from the eyes? More Supernatural rip offs.... 

When we get back to Harry, he refers to the girls as THE Charmed Ones. Not Charmed Ones like I thought we heard from the very first trailer, THE Charmed Ones? OH REALLY NOW??? NOW THEY'RE -THE- CHARMED ONES?! SAY WHA? 

The sister who is obsessed with Marisol's death managed to find the Spirit Board they can use to contact their dead mother, so when they do they get a message from the board, but of course they don't show us the whole message, BUT THANKS TO SPOILERS...

Yeah there are spoilers beyond this point...

The message reads: DONT TRUST HARRY. 

OMG THE WHITELIGHTER HARRY POTTER APPARATE RIP OFF CANT BE TRUSTED? HMMM....

So yeah, that's the new promo. Did you like it? Hate it? Enjoy it? I didn't, but you know... oh well. Just two more months til this flop fest reboot airs and I'm soooo ready to start trashing this damn show up. 

Peace + Love

Katrina

Charmed 2018 - Release Date!

OHMYGOD YOU GUYS!!! 

So I know I've been silent for awhile... I mean, there's nothing really to report about this slop fest of a show. Well, unless you guys want me to go back and look through the actors/actresses responses to this slop fest's negative reactions towards it. First of all, I still plan on watching and reviewing this bore fest. You might be asking me, "Katrina, why are you bothering to review this show if you already know you're going to hate it?" Easy you guys, I have nothing better to do with my life. So why not watch this plagiarism of a show and give you my thoughts on it? 

Anyways, I'm actually friends/acquaintances with the staff over at the Charmed Shitboot Wikia and I found out that they apparently released the premiere date for the show! Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the date of....

SUNDAY OCTOBER 14TH, 2018!!!!

Oh my God, isn't this FABULOUS?? In just 18 weeks(that's 4 1/2 months if you're wondering), we'll be sitting our asses in front of our TV screens watching this Beautyandthe Beast of a tv show!! I can't wait! Can you?

Are you going to waste an hour of your life watching the premiere? I'm actually not... I'm probably going to be working, but rest assured, a recap/review will come days after the boring ass premiere... Unless I'm on vacation that week. We'll see. 

Well that's it for now guys. I'll post another update as soon as I can. 

Peace + Love

-Katrina

Charmed (2018) Trailer Recap

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, IT'S HERE!!! The Charmed reboot trailer that everyone DIDN'T WANT!!! Lol, I don't know how this show came to be, I don't know how it was picked up... there's just too much happening in this trailer and I'm not sure if it spans over the Pilot episode or over the first five... or three. I just don't know. But here I am, going to recap the mini trailer because for some reason I decided I was going to recap the entire reboot series and most likely hate every part of it. So if you're here to read decent, happy, posts... this place most likely isn't for you. Anyways, without further ado, let's get on with this trailer!!!

We get the first look at the Vera Manor, the same house that was used in Witches of East End. Two of the sisters are hanging out with their mother, Marisol played by Valerie Cruz. She's telling her daughters how lucky she is to have two amazing young women as her daughters, blah blah blaaaah. There are a few clips that flashes before our eyes like some woman who's staring at the manor, Marisol casting some spell, smoke pouring into the attic, crows out of Ravenswood comes cawing in and then Marisol sends her girls a text asking them to immediately come home(Also notice the modern day text on the screen thing? They can try to differentiate between the original show and this new one, but they fail). The sisters runs up to their attic to find the window smashed and their mother somehow fell out of the window.... OMG THEY TURNED CHARMED INTO A FRICKIN MURDER MYSTERY!!?? What??? This isn't what Charmed was about in the 90's?!?!? 

Anyway, moving on, the two sisters are having a falling out and one of them is obsessed with figuring out her mother's death. Then all of a sudden some woman, the same one who was staring up at the manor earlier, knocks on their door and announces, "I think I'm your sister!!!" Oh my fucking God, this is only the trailer and this show is going too fucking fast for me... we've basically been shoved Seasons 1 through 4 down our fucking throats, let's be fucking real?? 

As a new clip goes by, one of the sisters are talking to a friend when all of a sudden... OMG EVERYTHING FREEZES!! Like everything. Seriously, I mean everything to the bird flying outside to the creamer the barista is pouring into someones latte. Like what the fuck? Why is her power stronger than Piper's was already??? This is bullshit, shouldn't it start out small? 

Then the older sister is at the bar talking to some friend who keeps bothering her to the point where she lashes out at him and her beer bottle flings out of her fucking hand and smashes into the wall... Can I please ask how the fuck the two girls are triggering their powers?? Are they both going to use their eyes? Or is it all a mind thing now? The last sister gets to obtain the power of telepathy where she gets to hold onto someones hand and read their minds. Oh my God, how lucky is she?!?! 

After the girls gets kidnapped by their whitelighter, Harry, he explains how they're the most powerful witches in all the land and they have a duty to honor their mother.... Listen, I know this is a reboot, but this is seriously like watching the first four fucking seasons of the original show. Can we please get new content?? And they're even using the triquetra on their Book... like can it PLEASE be something different?? Can they please rename this show before October? My God, please!!!

This is from "Charmed"

My all time favorite part of this trailer is when they introduce a demon to the show and it looks like a total Supernatural rip off!!! The demons eyes are black with black spirals flowing up... SUPER. NATURAL. RIP. OFF!!!! God I fucking hate this show already and it's not even October yet... And then by the very end of this trailer, the three sisters are besties???? Shouldn't the long lost sister thing last for a whole season? A season and a half?? Can we please get this show axed ASAP??? This is so horrible, so cringy, and a blatant Supernatural rip off... Aye yi yi...

This is from Supernatural

Can't wait til October... 

Peace + Love!

Katrina