Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Charmed Reboot 1x04 Recap

Charmed 1x04 ... I forgot the title of this episode, and I just don't care to look it up.... Recap

OMG THE PREVIOUSLY ON.... Let's move on.

We immediately are forced into a flashback where Marisol and Mel are talking to Angela about what a sick creep the teacher who's going around sexual harassing girls are. Angela is scared about what other people are going to think about her, and Marisol lays it out flat that people will be angry. Ummm whatever? This guy is fucking going around sexually threatening girls, but of course everyone just LOOOOOVES him. WHATEVER! Mel is out of her little flashback, and she's currently in the attic watching over Angela/Harby. Fun. 

THIS IS BULLSHIT!! UTTER UTTER BULLSHIT!! If you read my recap for the last episode, you'd know I started calling the Harbinger of Hell "Harby" only because I started getting lazy and didn't want to type out "Harbinger of Hell" over and over again, AND MAGGIE FUCKING STEALS THE NICKNAME!!! You dumb BITCH! The Harbinger gets my revenge for me, because wittle precious Maggie is afraid of rats, poor little girly. Well, Harby literally snatches the rat, kills the fuck out of the rat and THROWS IT AT THE GIRLS!!! LIKE LMFAO!!! That's hilarious!!! 

So now the girls are being questioned about Angela's disappearance. Because they're soooo not guilty of anything at all. As if on que, the Harbinger makes a TON of noise and Nico and what's-his-face is ready to go investigate when this tall, stuck up, bitch comes out of nowhere claiming she's the girls' interior designer? WHO DA FUQ IS THIS BITCH??? Charity comes out of nowhere and comes up with some cover story about why there's so much noise coming from upstairs. After the cop and Niko leaves, Charity introduces herself as an Elder.

Oh. Yeah. An Elder. 

NEVERMIND I TOTALLY LOVE THIS BITCH!!! FINALLY a character from this shit show I am falling in LOVE with!! Charity explains that there has been many Elder killings... well not too many, recently there was a third since Marisol's death. WAIT, MARISOL is an Elder?? The girls looks at Harry asking to explain why he didn't tell them, but he said he did when he referred to her as a "Senior Witch".  Yeah, that explains it ALL! 

The girls are discussing what's going on with Angela at the campus, blah blah blah. While they're talking about saving everyone, Angela, and following Niko... Let me say right now that it's only a matter of time before Niko finds out the girls are magical witches!!! Just saying. 

Niko is actually talking to her cop partner Trevor... Tyler... Tim... Tony... Whatever. Tony thinks the girls are hiding something(duh) and he has the look of determination to fucking crack the case wide open and see what the fuck those dumb sister bitches are hiding!!!

In class, Maggie is desperate because she is no way going to fucking pass her midterm, and the midterm is on Dante's Inferno. What the fuck is Maggie taking a class where she should have done Dante in fucking Senior year of  High School? That's when I did everything on Dante's Inferno. It was fun, I read the entire thing, wrote a paper on it and scored a B+, and even created a scene inside a shoe box from Dante. It was fun. I enjoyed my English class!

Anyway, Parker is attending the same class too, of course, and after Maggie tells Kate she's been failing the class, Kate comes up with a great idea that Parker can just tutor Maggie. Plus he's been reading Dante since 3rd grade, according to him. Not only is he a literary genius, he's also going to be kissing Maggie by the end of this episode. IM CALLING IT!!! 

I really cannot stand scenes with Ser Darius Blaine. I'm sorry, but he's a rude asshole from the shit I saw on Twitter, and I just can't stand any of these scenes involving him. The only thing we need to know is that his character is a cheesy mother fucking romantic who is most likely a demon. That's all we need to fucking know.

Mel is in the attic and asks the Book of Shadows if there's a way to see if Angela is still in her body, and OMG SHE TOTALLY IS!!! So Charity LIED!!! Why would Charity, an Elder, LIE about this??? Interesting developments here... 

Mel and Charity are still arguing about saving Angela, and Mel goes as far as threatening to go against Charity's word and MOTHER FUCKING CHARITY MUTES THE FUCK OUT OF MEL!!! OMG THIS BITCH IS BADASS!!! I LOVE YOU, CHARITY!!! 

Unfortunately, Mel gets her voice back in the next scene and she legit took the Harbinger and shoved it in her fucking car, THE FUCK??? But before she and Maggie could go anywhere, Mel spots Travis spying on them!!!  UH OH!!! Other things I've noticed from this scene was that the girls can take the Book out of the house. Honestly, I'm surprised they haven't done the whole "DEMONS AND WARLOCKS TRYING TO STEAL OUR BOOK" story line... yet... because it's coming!!! 

Back at the Vera Jailhouse of Harbinger, Macy is taking Charity and Harry Pothead to the attic so they can take care of the Harbinger. She's saying these scientific lines, which I'm not feeling at all... I haven't felt anything from her scientist career since this damn show premiered. Honestly, I'm predicting it now, she's going to quit just like Prue quit Buckland. -Insert eye roll here- But then when she opens the attic door... OMG WHAT A SHOCKER, HARBY IS GONZO!!!!

Maggie decided to take Mel and the Harby to the garage where the Kappa float is and they chained poor wittle Harby to the float. Unfortunately there's like a million exorcism spell's in the Book, and when Mel decides to cheat the Book by asking questions, OOOOPS!!! There is no exorcism spell for the Harby!! Ya'll gotta kill Angela! OOOOH!!! Mel and Harry Potter are trying to fix their little friendship bullshit but...it's... ugh. Whatever. Mel is hellbent on saving Angela's soul because she KNOWS she's still in there and CHARITY IS LYING LITTLE BITCH!!!! And I still LOVE HER!!!

Because Angela is STILL IN THE BODY, Mel and Maggie texts Macy to get the fuck to the garage so they can perform the exorcism spell. SCREW Charity and her bullshit Elder wisdom! Before she could escape though, Charity tells Macy that she has the skills to be a leader just like her mother was. Unfortunately, Marisol for some reason never told anyone about Macy, which I think I might know why... Marisol didn't want her children becoming the Charmed Ones. It's that simple. Thankfully, Charity pulled on Macy's heart strings so she can successfully get the fuck out to go help her sisters!!

Back at the garage, the sisters and Harry are confused about the blank page. They simply don't have an exorcism spell strong enough to save poor little Angie-poo! Macy of course comes along and saves the day because with their united power with the three, the blank page becomes VISIBLE OMG SO COOL!!! Of course Marisol totes knew this was coming and she decided to write the spell out in Spanish. Right. So the sisters and Harry makes a plan to free Angela, but of course it won't be easy!! 

Maggie goes outside to investigate the noise she heard and OMG PARKER IS THERE!! Is he about to find out they're witches?? Parker gives Mel this whole totally inspirational story about how he could never play guitar but his brother was amazing at it blah blah blah, and Maggie shares that she isn't all that great with the whole college university bullshit, and then Harby just happens to make a noise but before Parker can catch it, Maggie decides to be a DUMBASS and fucking kisses him. Okay so I was CLOSE, people... I said Parker was gonna be the one initiating the kiss, but alas, I was wrong. 

Back at the garage, Harby is gaining strength, and when she does, THE CHAINS ARE OFF BITCHES!! Charity comes along, which is weird because her teleportation is not only different from Harry's, it reminds me of Once Upon a Time when everyone would go through portals from Seasons 6 and 7... Lol. Charity tries to get the girls to kill Angela/Harby but the girls are sticking to their exorcism plan because thank God Marisol knew this was all going to happen... Lol. And omg she was able to receive PREMONITIONS LE GASSSSP!!!! 

L.M.F.A.O!!!!!!!


The girls are starting their little exorcism spell and TRAVIS IS ON THEIR FUCKING ASSES!!! They're totally about to get EXPOSED and it's only the fourth fucking episode, like seriously?!?! When he comes into the garage, he saw everything! Charity was able to get his gun away but somehow Trip died... Um. How? Was it the force of the spell that made the rusted pipe smack him upside the head? 

Back at the manor, Charity visits Mel to talk about Travis' death. As an Elder Witch, she's able to deal with it using magic so there's no exposure about anything. Angela has been in and out of consciousness, but Macy and Maggie are watching over her. When she wakes up, she tells the girls that all she knows is that she could feel some shitty stuff but doesn't remember anything about Halloween. Kudos for the girls for keeping their secret. Also, the girls congratulates Harry for defying the Elder's but of course he won't reveal his past with Charity... hmmm. Typical and predictable.

So anyways, ummm.... Apparently Niko is crushed over Trevor's death. But it's like... whatever. Also there's evidence that Trevor was behind the Halloween murders? Umm.. WHAT?! LOL! What the fuck...

At the Elder HQ, Charity is taking the elevator when this really sexy mother fucking demon enters and uses his powers to talk Charity into exchanging paint cans with her. So now he's under the possession of the Harby. UMMM LOL?? After all that trouble to save Angela, Harby is STILL roaming free?

SOURCE OF ALL EVIL, COME ON DOWN!!!

I give this episode a huge plus for Charity and her bitchy comedic relief. Yay!!

Final grade: C-




1 comment:

  1. I only found you recently, but these Charmed Reboot reviews make me laugh out loud! XD

    ReplyDelete